Add initial gopher content

main
Niels G. W. Serup 4 months ago
commit b3471c6d67
Signed by: ngws
GPG Key ID: 38EEEBCE67324F19
  1. 1
      .gitignore
  2. 13
      Makefile
  3. 117
      index.gph.sh
  4. 39
      jokes_2002.txt
  5. 25
      jokes_2007.txt
  6. 11
      shell.nix

1
.gitignore vendored

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/index.gph

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.PHONY: all clean watch
all: index.gph
index.gph: index.gph.sh
sh $< > $@
clean:
rm -f index.gph
watch:
make
while inotifywait -e modify .; do make; done

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#!/bin/sh
set -e
link_file() {
echo "[0|$1|$2|server|port]"
}
link_ext() {
echo "[1|$1|$2|$3|port]"n
}
link_www() {
echo "[h|$1|URL:$2|server|port]"
}
header() {
lin="$(echo " $@ " | sed 's/./═/g')"
cat <<EOF
$lin
$@
$lin
EOF
}
enclose() {
sed -r -e "s/^/$1/" -e 's/\|?$/'"$2/"
}
{
cat <<EOF
░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒
▒░ ▒░
EOF
enclose '▒░ ' ' ▒░' <<EOF
Welcome to |
|
$(echo "Niels'" | toilet -f pagga)
|
gopherhole!
EOF
cat <<EOF
▒░ ▒░
░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒
EOF
} | enclose ' ' ''
cat <<EOF
My name is Niels. I live in Denmark.
$(header Jokes)
I like to create jokes. As a child I set out to write down all jokes and
riddles I could come up with, and, more importantly, also decided to properly
categorize them.
The categories I created in 2002 were:
- Garden
- Work
- Food
- Cannibals
- Books
- Balls
- Animals
- Robbers
I have made a selection of my 2002-era jokes available in translated form:
$(link_file 'My old jokes' 'jokes_2002.txt')
After initial success, I decided to pause my joke categorization work and focus
on other things in life. Then, in 2007, my mission continued. At this point I
had learnt how to program with Active Server Pages, which enabled both for a
more structured way of saving jokes and riddles as well as for a more
interactive exploration of joke categories.
During the five years I had also learnt how some jokes and riddles can be
difficult to categorize into single categories. As such, the second iteration
of my joke database would allow for each joke or riddle to have more than one
category.
I have also made a select few of these 2007-era jokes available in translated
form:
$(link_file 'My slightly less old jokes' 'jokes_2007.txt')
The third iteration of my joke database is still in development.
$(header Other work)
I'm also a computer scientist. By day I work as a programmer in a Danish
software company.
I attend BornHack every year. Can recommend!
$(link_www 'BornHack: a 7 day outdoor hacker tent camp in Denmark' 'http://bornhack.dk')
$(header Cool links)
$(link_ext 'Troels Henriksen'"'"'s OCaml Reference' '/ocaml' sigkill.dk)
$(header Contact)
Name: Niels G. W. Serup
$(link_www 'Email: ngws@metanohi.name' 'mailto:ngws@metanohi.name')
IRC: ngws on libera.chat (mostly hanging out on the #diku channel)
$(link_www 'WWW: metanohi.name' 'http://metanohi.name/')
$(link_www 'Twitter: @ngwwws' 'https://twitter.com/ngwwws')
EOF

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# Jokes from 2002
This page contains a selection of jokes and riddles that I wrote in 2002. I
have translated them from their original language of Danish.
# Category: Garden
One woman to another woman, who is wearing gloves: Auhavav, I have burnt myself
on a nettle.
The other woman: No, that can't be, there aren't any nettles within miles.
The first woman: But you're leaning into one!!!
# Category: Books
One book to another: How many pages do you have?
The other book: 179.
The first book: Ha, I have 180 pages.
The other book: Yes, but the last page is a picture.
The first book: No, look for yourself.
The other book: Okay, I will take a look... RITCCSSTRKFH, look, a picture, you
stupid book.
The first book: But there is a single word on the page.
The other book: That doesn't count as a page for you.
The first book: Why?
The other book: Can't you see that I have torn out your page?
What is the point of this joke? It's that books can't talk, how are they
supposed to talk without mouths?!!!
# Category: Balls
The old basket ball couldn't reach the cocoa on the top shelf, but the newborn
basket ball could.
What is the point of this joke? Of course it's that the newborn basket ball
could jump higher than the old basket ball (the old basket ball had become too
slow after all these years it had lived).

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# Jokes from 2007
This page contains a selection of jokes and riddles that I wrote in 2007. I
have translated them from their original language of Danish.
# Categories: Bornholm, English
- What does a person from Bornholm tell a foreigner when asked about where they
live?
- I am *born* in *holm*!
# Categories: Old writers
The teacher: What does "H. C." stand for in H. C. Andersen?
The pupil: Hans *Crap*
# Categories: god, church
What does the student who just had their exam, and is also tired of saying the
Lord's Prayer, say?
- EX*amen*

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# Use this file with nix-shell or similar tools; see https://nixos.org/
with import <nixpkgs> {};
mkShell {
buildInputs = [
toilet
gnumake
inotify-tools
geomyidae
];
}
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