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.PHONY: all clean watch |
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all: index.gph |
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index.gph: index.gph.sh |
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sh $< > $@
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clean: |
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rm -f index.gph
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watch: |
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make
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while inotifywait -e modify .; do make; done
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#!/bin/sh |
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set -e |
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link_file() { |
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echo "[0|$1|$2|server|port]" |
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} |
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link_ext() { |
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echo "[1|$1|$2|$3|port]"n |
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} |
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link_www() { |
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echo "[h|$1|URL:$2|server|port]" |
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} |
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header() { |
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lin="$(echo " $@ " | sed 's/./═/g')" |
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cat <<EOF |
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╬$lin╬ |
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║ $@ ║ |
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╬$lin╬ |
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EOF |
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} |
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enclose() { |
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sed -r -e "s/^/$1/" -e 's/\|?$/'"$2/" |
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} |
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{ |
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cat <<EOF |
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░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒ |
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▒░ ▒░ |
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EOF |
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enclose '▒░ ' ' ▒░' <<EOF |
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Welcome to | |
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| |
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$(echo "Niels'" | toilet -f pagga) |
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| |
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gopherhole! |
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EOF |
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cat <<EOF |
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▒░ ▒░ |
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░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒ |
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EOF |
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} | enclose ' ' '' |
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cat <<EOF |
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My name is Niels. I live in Denmark. |
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$(header Jokes) |
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I like to create jokes. As a child I set out to write down all jokes and |
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riddles I could come up with, and, more importantly, also decided to properly |
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categorize them. |
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The categories I created in 2002 were: |
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- Garden |
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- Work |
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- Food |
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- Cannibals |
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- Books |
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- Balls |
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- Animals |
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- Robbers |
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I have made a selection of my 2002-era jokes available in translated form: |
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$(link_file 'My old jokes' 'jokes_2002.txt') |
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After initial success, I decided to pause my joke categorization work and focus |
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on other things in life. Then, in 2007, my mission continued. At this point I |
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had learnt how to program with Active Server Pages, which enabled both for a |
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more structured way of saving jokes and riddles as well as for a more |
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interactive exploration of joke categories. |
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During the five years I had also learnt how some jokes and riddles can be |
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difficult to categorize into single categories. As such, the second iteration |
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of my joke database would allow for each joke or riddle to have more than one |
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category. |
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I have also made a select few of these 2007-era jokes available in translated |
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form: |
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$(link_file 'My slightly less old jokes' 'jokes_2007.txt') |
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The third iteration of my joke database is still in development. |
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$(header Other work) |
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I'm also a computer scientist. By day I work as a programmer in a Danish |
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software company. |
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I attend BornHack every year. Can recommend! |
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$(link_www 'BornHack: a 7 day outdoor hacker tent camp in Denmark' 'http://bornhack.dk') |
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$(header Cool links) |
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$(link_ext 'Troels Henriksen'"'"'s OCaml Reference' '/ocaml' sigkill.dk) |
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$(header Contact) |
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Name: Niels G. W. Serup |
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$(link_www 'Email: ngws@metanohi.name' 'mailto:ngws@metanohi.name') |
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IRC: ngws on libera.chat (mostly hanging out on the #diku channel) |
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$(link_www 'WWW: metanohi.name' 'http://metanohi.name/') |
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$(link_www 'Twitter: @ngwwws' 'https://twitter.com/ngwwws') |
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EOF |
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# Jokes from 2002 |
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This page contains a selection of jokes and riddles that I wrote in 2002. I |
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have translated them from their original language of Danish. |
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# Category: Garden |
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One woman to another woman, who is wearing gloves: Auhavav, I have burnt myself |
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on a nettle. |
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The other woman: No, that can't be, there aren't any nettles within miles. |
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The first woman: But you're leaning into one!!! |
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# Category: Books |
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One book to another: How many pages do you have? |
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The other book: 179. |
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The first book: Ha, I have 180 pages. |
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The other book: Yes, but the last page is a picture. |
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The first book: No, look for yourself. |
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The other book: Okay, I will take a look... RITCCSSTRKFH, look, a picture, you |
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stupid book. |
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The first book: But there is a single word on the page. |
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The other book: That doesn't count as a page for you. |
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The first book: Why? |
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The other book: Can't you see that I have torn out your page? |
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What is the point of this joke? It's that books can't talk, how are they |
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supposed to talk without mouths?!!! |
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# Category: Balls |
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The old basket ball couldn't reach the cocoa on the top shelf, but the newborn |
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basket ball could. |
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What is the point of this joke? Of course it's that the newborn basket ball |
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could jump higher than the old basket ball (the old basket ball had become too |
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slow after all these years it had lived). |
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# Jokes from 2007 |
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This page contains a selection of jokes and riddles that I wrote in 2007. I |
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have translated them from their original language of Danish. |
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# Categories: Bornholm, English |
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- What does a person from Bornholm tell a foreigner when asked about where they |
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live? |
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- I am *born* in *holm*! |
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# Categories: Old writers |
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The teacher: What does "H. C." stand for in H. C. Andersen? |
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The pupil: Hans *Crap* |
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# Categories: god, church |
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What does the student who just had their exam, and is also tired of saying the |
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Lord's Prayer, say? |
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- EX*amen* |
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