From b3471c6d676926208e7c7a0972b63c7495953ece Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001
From: "Niels G. W. Serup" <ngws@metanohi.name>
Date: Sun, 12 Jun 2022 21:32:53 +0200
Subject: [PATCH] Add initial gopher content

---
 .gitignore     |   1 +
 Makefile       |  13 ++++++
 index.gph.sh   | 117 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
 jokes_2002.txt |  39 +++++++++++++++++
 jokes_2007.txt |  25 +++++++++++
 shell.nix      |  11 +++++
 6 files changed, 206 insertions(+)
 create mode 100644 .gitignore
 create mode 100644 Makefile
 create mode 100755 index.gph.sh
 create mode 100644 jokes_2002.txt
 create mode 100644 jokes_2007.txt
 create mode 100644 shell.nix

diff --git a/.gitignore b/.gitignore
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..2c88451
--- /dev/null
+++ b/.gitignore
@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+/index.gph
diff --git a/Makefile b/Makefile
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..3fabbde
--- /dev/null
+++ b/Makefile
@@ -0,0 +1,13 @@
+.PHONY: all clean watch
+
+all: index.gph
+
+index.gph: index.gph.sh
+	sh $< > $@
+
+clean:
+	rm -f index.gph
+
+watch:
+	make
+	while inotifywait -e modify .; do make; done
diff --git a/index.gph.sh b/index.gph.sh
new file mode 100755
index 0000000..7c1d528
--- /dev/null
+++ b/index.gph.sh
@@ -0,0 +1,117 @@
+#!/bin/sh
+
+set -e
+
+link_file() {
+    echo "[0|$1|$2|server|port]"
+}
+
+link_ext() {
+    echo "[1|$1|$2|$3|port]"n
+}
+
+link_www() {
+    echo "[h|$1|URL:$2|server|port]"
+}
+
+header() {
+    lin="$(echo " $@ " | sed 's/./═/g')"
+    cat <<EOF
+╬$lin╬
+║ $@ ║
+╬$lin╬
+EOF
+}
+
+enclose() {
+    sed -r -e "s/^/$1/" -e 's/\|?$/'"$2/"
+}
+
+{
+    cat <<EOF
+ ░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒
+▒░                          ▒░
+EOF
+
+    enclose '▒░  ' '  ▒░' <<EOF
+Welcome to            |
+                      |
+$(echo "Niels'" | toilet -f pagga)
+                      |
+           gopherhole!
+EOF
+
+    cat <<EOF
+▒░                          ▒░
+ ░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒
+EOF
+} | enclose '          ' ''
+
+cat <<EOF
+
+       My name is Niels.  I live in Denmark.
+
+
+$(header Jokes)
+
+I like to create jokes.  As a child I set out to write down all jokes and
+riddles I could come up with, and, more importantly, also decided to properly
+categorize them.
+
+The categories I created in 2002 were:
+
+  - Garden
+  - Work
+  - Food
+  - Cannibals
+  - Books
+  - Balls
+  - Animals
+  - Robbers
+
+I have made a selection of my 2002-era jokes available in translated form:
+
+$(link_file 'My old jokes' 'jokes_2002.txt')
+
+After initial success, I decided to pause my joke categorization work and focus
+on other things in life.  Then, in 2007, my mission continued.  At this point I
+had learnt how to program with Active Server Pages, which enabled both for a
+more structured way of saving jokes and riddles as well as for a more
+interactive exploration of joke categories.
+
+During the five years I had also learnt how some jokes and riddles can be
+difficult to categorize into single categories.  As such, the second iteration
+of my joke database would allow for each joke or riddle to have more than one
+category.
+
+I have also made a select few of these 2007-era jokes available in translated
+form:
+
+$(link_file 'My slightly less old jokes' 'jokes_2007.txt')
+
+The third iteration of my joke database is still in development.
+
+
+$(header Other work)
+
+I'm also a computer scientist.  By day I work as a programmer in a Danish
+software company.
+
+I attend BornHack every year.  Can recommend!
+
+$(link_www 'BornHack: a 7 day outdoor hacker tent camp in Denmark' 'http://bornhack.dk')
+
+
+$(header Cool links)
+
+$(link_ext 'Troels Henriksen'"'"'s OCaml Reference' '/ocaml' sigkill.dk)
+
+
+$(header Contact)
+
+Name: Niels G. W. Serup
+$(link_www 'Email: ngws@metanohi.name' 'mailto:ngws@metanohi.name')
+IRC: ngws on libera.chat (mostly hanging out on the #diku channel)
+$(link_www 'WWW: metanohi.name' 'http://metanohi.name/')
+$(link_www 'Twitter: @ngwwws' 'https://twitter.com/ngwwws')
+EOF
diff --git a/jokes_2002.txt b/jokes_2002.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..a099c5a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/jokes_2002.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,39 @@
+# Jokes from 2002
+
+This page contains a selection of jokes and riddles that I wrote in 2002.  I
+have translated them from their original language of Danish.
+
+# Category: Garden
+
+One woman to another woman, who is wearing gloves: Auhavav, I have burnt myself
+on a nettle.
+The other woman: No, that can't be, there aren't any nettles within miles.
+The first woman: But you're leaning into one!!!
+
+
+# Category: Books
+
+One book to another: How many pages do you have?
+The other book: 179.
+The first book: Ha, I have 180 pages.
+The other book: Yes, but the last page is a picture.
+The first book: No, look for yourself.
+The other book: Okay, I will take a look... RITCCSSTRKFH, look, a picture, you
+stupid book.
+The first book: But there is a single word on the page.
+The other book: That doesn't count as a page for you.
+The first book: Why?
+The other book: Can't you see that I have torn out your page?
+
+What is the point of this joke?  It's that books can't talk, how are they
+supposed to talk without mouths?!!!
+
+
+# Category: Balls
+
+The old basket ball couldn't reach the cocoa on the top shelf, but the newborn
+basket ball could.
+
+What is the point of this joke? Of course it's that the newborn basket ball
+could jump higher than the old basket ball (the old basket ball had become too
+slow after all these years it had lived).
diff --git a/jokes_2007.txt b/jokes_2007.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..528ea7b
--- /dev/null
+++ b/jokes_2007.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,25 @@
+# Jokes from 2007
+
+This page contains a selection of jokes and riddles that I wrote in 2007.  I
+have translated them from their original language of Danish.
+
+# Categories: Bornholm, English
+
+- What does a person from Bornholm tell a foreigner when asked about where they
+  live?
+
+- I am *born* in *holm*!
+
+
+# Categories: Old writers
+
+The teacher: What does "H. C." stand for in H. C. Andersen?
+The pupil: Hans *Crap*
+
+
+# Categories: god, church
+
+What does the student who just had their exam, and is also tired of saying the
+Lord's Prayer, say?
+
+- EX*amen*
diff --git a/shell.nix b/shell.nix
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..1f3eaa6
--- /dev/null
+++ b/shell.nix
@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
+# Use this file with nix-shell or similar tools; see https://nixos.org/
+with import <nixpkgs> {};
+
+mkShell {
+  buildInputs = [
+    toilet
+    gnumake
+    inotify-tools
+    geomyidae
+  ];
+}